Holding it together

Inside I am scared to death and feel completely helpless. I have my miracle baby girl and the thought of her having to have surgery at all, let alone at 4 months old terrifies me. However, the best thing I can do is to keep it together for her. To be strong for her. To be in the moment and enjoy our time together. The surgery is going to happen but it doesn't have to interfere with our time now.

She has no care in the world and no idea of what is to come and for that I am grateful. If this had to happen, I am so thankful it's when she is too young to remember it one day (I hope). 

When she was first diagnosed with Craniosynostosis, I  thought why my baby. I asked that once and never again. There really is no answer why and dwelling on it won't change it. I do know that if there has to be anything, I am grateful it is "just" this. Something that surgery can correct and I thank GOD we have a Pediatrician, Neurosurgeon and Craniofacial Surgeon that have expertise in the subject. 

Once you've spent time in a Pediatric Neurosurgeon's waiting room or a Children's Hospital for that matter, you definitely realize your priorities and acknowledge your blessings if you hadn't already done so before.

 

My baby has a Neurosurgeon

On March 4th my Mom, my baby and myself all drove to Mesa to to meet my daughters Neurosurgeon, Dr. David Moss. Prior  to our appointment, I had spoken with Joyce, Dr. Moss' head nurse. She was amazing over the phone; introducing herself, telling me about Dr. Moss, talking to me about what I must be feeling and thinking. I immediately knew we were in the right hands.

Dr. Moss was in between emergency surgery's when we had our appointment but still took the time to go over her x-rays in detail, even drawing pictures on a paper to help explain and describe everything. He is very matter of fact as he should be but also very comforting. He says he will treat Felicity like she is one of his own Grandchildren.

He reassured me that this was NOTHING that I did or didn't do. He talked with me about everything I had previously read on the internet and addressed all my concerns. I of course broke down the moment we started talking and thankfully my Mom was holding Felicity so she wouldn't sense anything.

They want us to return for a CT Scan, meeting with Dr. Moss again and also meet with Dr. Joganic the Craniofacial Surgeon.

During our drive back I said to my Mom "I have confidence and feel comfortable with Dr. Moss and his team". I felt like a weight was lifted after meeting with him. Prior to our appointment, I would break down in tears and just loose it when Felicity was sleeping. After our appointment, I stopped.